General Information: Part Two

Why We Don't Want a Welcoming Party

I am guessing that several people will likely question some of the decisions that Wim and I are making and will continue to make as parents. We want everyone to know that we have read multitudes of books and participated in more than a couple workshops on becoming parents through adoption. The decision we are making are based on what we have read and learned from other adoptive parents.

As with any parent, we want to do what is best for our child and we are making decisions that we believe are in Josie's best interest and that will help her to feel safe, secure and loved in her new home. This is most important to us and we ask that everyone please keep this in mind if you find some of our decisions to be contrary to what you feel may be the best way.

Wim and I have communicated to family and friends that we prefer NOT to have a group of people meet us at the airport when we return and that we will likely lay low for at least a month upon returning home. When we do venture out with our daughter we likely will not allow other people to hold her.

We appreciate everyone's support and that you want to share in our joy when we bring our daughter home and so we want to explain to folks why we are making these decisions.

1. Regarding meeting us at the airport-- we are asking that people do not plan to meet us at the airport. We will likely have one or two people pick us up, but that is all.

It is a long trip and we do not know how any of us will be feeling. Our daughter may be sick when we arrive and at best will likely be somewhat freaked-out from the trip. We feel that it will be best to simply be able to head home and try to get her settled.

Gabrielle and Xavier will not be able to meet us at the airport and if anyone is to meet Josie at the airport, it should be her siblings. We do not feel that it is fair for other people in the extended family to meet her before she meets her sister and brother.

2. We will be laying low for at least a month upon returning home. During this time, we likely will not be taking Josie around to meet the family nor will be having big gatherings at our house.

Our daughter will have experienced a lot of changes in a short period of time. Everything about her new home will be drastically different from what she is use to: we look different, we smell different, our country smells different than China, the sounds are different, the food is different, the time change is hugs-- there is a lot for her to adapt to. Several china adoptive families whom I have talked to have expressed that it is best to be quiet for the first month or so. A few that did try to have a big party etc., regretted it as their child showed signs of great distress and confusion after the event was over.

We do want to share our joy with everyone, but we are going to play this one by ear. Of course, Judy, Becky, and Steve and others will be welcome to come visit for short periods of time, but we do not want to have big gatherings.

At some point, a few months after we have been home, we do plan to have a large gathering and invite everyone.

3. Only Wim and I will hold Josie-- feed her etc. Others will not be allowed to do care-taking type of activities for her (this may sound harsh-- but it also applies to diaper changing).

Our reason for this is that Josie will likely have had several care-takers and will not be use to having parents or her own caretakers. She will have to learn that we are her parents and that we will provide everything that she needs-- love, food, diaper changes etc.

We hope that maybe by the time we do have the big party she will be doing well enough that others can hold her for a short time if they wish to. Again, we will be playing this by ear.

4. Some details of Josie's early life will be kept private. The main topic I can think of right now is her finding place. Wim and I will be keeping some details, such as this private. We feel that Josie has a right to keep these details for her own-- her own details to share. We do hope that when Josie is older she will choose to share some of this information with you-- but it is HER information to share-- not ours.

This is all that I can think of right now.

For more information on attachment, please click on the link titled "Attachment 101." It is on the right side of our blog.