Moms

Happy Mother’s Day! I hope all of my mom friends, ‘like a mom’ friends, ‘nearly a mom’ friends and ‘trying to be a mom’ friends are having a wonderful week, weekend, day!

There’s been some interesting talk in adoptoblog land the past few days about Mother’s Day. It is an interesting holiday (is it an actual holiday??)—one that can be filled with lots of joy as well as with dread and sadness—for many different reasons.

When I was younger, I was always excited about Mother’s Day. I remember making my mom breakfast in bed one year. It consisted of cereal, jelly toast, and OJ. I all but dumped the whole tray in her lap before she was fully awake. She managed to grab the bowl of cereal, the OJ—not so much. We laughed about that one year’s later.

My Mom on her Wedding Day

 Another year I remember riding like mad on my trusty bike to the florist down the street. I had just enough to buy a rose for my mom. Well, enough if you don’t have to pay taxes! I scoured the the parking-lot for the extra change until finally the shop owner’s son took pity on me and covered the extra expense. I remember riding home on bike so excited with the flower to give to my mom and HOW happy she was.

Me and my Mom when I was about 4-years old

 Most people who know me know that when I was in my mid-teens my family was in a car accident that left my mom a quadriplegic. It was very difficult. I actually watched my mom die several times and be brought back to life. Life afterward was very difficult—our life was very changed. As much as my mom tried (because she was the greatest mom—just ask me and I’ll give you my unbiased opinion) – her smiles were never as full and bright as they once were. How could they be—she was constantly in pain.


In a very real way, my Mom died in that car accident.

My mom did die 16 years ago about 8-years after the car accident.

One of my favorite pictures of my mom

Wim's mom, my mother-in-law is wonderful! She is a caring woman who loves her kids, grandkids, and plenty of others. I really lucked out with the in-laws! 

MIL on her Wedding Day

Wim with his Mommy and Daddy

My Granny (my mom’s mom) died about 6 years ago—this left me with no-one on Mother’s Day—no reason to celebrate-- just more reasons to miss loved ones.

My Granny-- the only thing missing from this picture is a cigarette in one hand and a cold can of beer in the other!
Gotta love Granny! And, I miss her!

Next is a picture of my Great Grandma- Daisy. Except, I didn't even know she was my Great Grandma until, hmmm, late teens early 20's. Daisy and her husband (my Great Grandpa) died in an auto accident-- leaving three children, two girls and one boy. My Granny was one of the girls (yeah, in today's world you can never be sure!).  Granny and her younger sister were raised by Daisy's Sister, Lillian, and her husband Harry. Lillian and Harry were my Great Grandma and Grandpa-- I did know them and loved them!

I wish my granny was still alive so I could ask her questions. Looking back, I think maybe Lillian and Harry weren't the best parents to her. I know that my Granny spent the better part of her adult life believing that Lillian and Harry did formally adopt her little sister, but that they did not formally adopt her. My mom did a bunch of searching-- I think this is when I learned about the history. My mom is the one who after much legal research etc., finally located the adoption papers that proved my Granny was formally adopted by Lillian and Harry. Granny was estatic to have this information.  But, it makes me wonder-- why didn't my Granny always know this to be true like it was known to be true that her younger sister was formally adopted?

If you are wondering about my Granny's brother-- he went to a different family member and I have no knowledge about that story-- which drives Wim Batty.  Kind of a bonus from my perspective.

Thinking about Moms and Moms lost--

Of course I think about Josie and Clara Rose's Moms. Yes, I am their mom, but I am not their only mom.

Josie had a wonderful Ayi at her orhphanage

 She took care of Josie much like a mom, she cared for her, fed her, played with her. . .

loved her.

Clara Rose has a very loving Foster Mom-- who loved and LOVES her.

 Both girls lost their mom-- their first mom, their first love.

They will likely not ever know her face, her smile; feel her touch.

I wonder what Josie and Clara Rose might think about Mother's Day in the year's to come, as they grow older and mature.

I cannot imagine that they will not miss their mom-- their first mom and wonder about a different life---

Wonder about, "What If?" 

 Because, Mother's Day is for Mothers-- Every Single ONE!

And I wonder "What If" too.