The Skin We Live In

I’ve had a draft of this post sitting around in my edit section for probably 6-months and a recent post on an another blog that I follow jarred my memory.

Josie was between 3 and 3-1/2 (it was a few months after we adopted Clara Rose) when she began verbalizing that we all have different skin—we being everyone in our family—nobody really has the same skin.

This was simply an observation made by Josie, nothing bad or spurred by any racial teasing,

just very simply an observation.

I let her know that she is right, we all do have different skin and there are different color eyes among all of us, hair etc.

Gabrielle and Xavier, her much adored and loved Jie Jie and Ge Ge, are Dutch/Hispanic.

Gabrielle has a lovely caramel toned skin and Xavier has slightly darker colored skin and both tan very easily during the fun summer months.

Josie and Clara Rose have Chinese skin and Josie’s is a bit darker than Clara Rose’s skin tone.

They both present a lovely tanned color throughout the year and quickly tan to a lovely bronzed/brown color in the summer when we spend a good deal of time playing outside.

I have mottled, aging, Caucasian-European skin that is neither white toned or really tanned tone. I’m not really sure what it is. When I was younger I use to tan easily without much concern for burning, but in the past decade or so, burning has become more of a concern.

Wim, as Josie has pointed out, often with her scrunched-up face

“Daddy has  kinda weird polka-dotted or spotted skin,”

—meaning he is fair with LOTS of freckles.

Yes, I intentionally take dorky picts of Wim for the purpose of posting them publicly.

So we talk about different skin colors and why we have different skin colors. We also talk about having different eyes and types of hair.

It was not much of jump from these discussions to talk about the fact that there are people in this world who do not like people based on the color of their skin, shape of their eyes, and texture of their hair.

I actually began introducing these topics of difference early on with books, “We’re different, We’re the Same,” and “Whoever You Are.” The latter is an all-favorite!

To the best of my knowledge, Josie and Clara Rose have not yet experienced out-and-out racism or racial based teasing.

The operative word in the above sentence is ‘yet.’ They will, I hate that they will, but I know that they will—experience race-based teasing and racism and it will likely happen at a younger age than most people would expect it to happen.

Most people who are white and grew-up in a predominately white environment do not realize how often race does effect non-white people or that race and racism is often discussed openly with their children by parents who are non-white because they know that their children will be subjected to it as they were also subjected to it.

I think Gabrielle was eight the first time we became aware of her being teased based on her race.

So we read books about physical differences, we talk about physical differences, and we give it a name so our 4-1/2 and 3-1/2 year old will hopefully be able to recognize it call it what it is when they are faced with it. It is Racism and as much as the world has changed, the sad truth is, Racism still exists in America and elsewhere.


How do we make it go away?


Here is my thought.

I think in today’s world we, Parents (white parents, but racism also exists among minorities as well), are so worried about being PC that we forget we also need to teach our children that different looks and cultures are something to celebrate. We are scared to talk about race because we are afraid of looking racist. This causes us to miss opportunities to teach our children about racial differences and acceptance by “hushing” them when they have questions about racial differences because discussing it makes us, the parents, feel uncomfortable. As a result there is a tendency, largely by White Parents, to NOT talk to our children about how skin, eyes and hair can look different.

It shouldn’t just be Non-White Parents and White Parents of non-white children teaching their children about the ugliness of racism. It should be ALL parents of ALL children reading books and talking about racism at a very young age and teaching that is wrong to judge someone by the color of their skin, shape of their eyes, texture of their hair.

We should all be judged by the content of our character—nothing more and nothing less.

A few links on race and talking to children about race are below.

http://www.blogher.com/talking-your-kids-about-race-0?page=0,0

http://dioncommunications.com/blog/?tag=dumb-things-white-people-say

http://www.asian-nation.org/index.shtml

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/14/alexandra-wallace-racist-video_n_835505.html